Talking to your partner

Why talk?

If you’re suffering from TD it isn’t just your problem, it also affects your partner, and it affects your whole relationship. Sex is a key part of a man’s life so when you are having difficulties in the bedroom you may withdraw physically, not even feeling able to display any affection to your partner because you don’t want it to lead to sex. You may even withdraw emotionally because you feel you can’t worry your partner with your problems. Your partner on the other hand could be feeling angry, rejected, unloved and start to pull away emotionally even blaming themselves as they may feel that you don’t find them attractive any more or you’ve found someone else.

Solving the problem of TD is much easier if you and your partner are being open about it. You’ll both feel better because you’re being honest. You’ll take away the feelings of blame and guilt and solving the problem will become a team effort, not something you need to do alone.

Tell your partner:

  • choose a time when you’re both rested, relaxed - and sober!
  • make sure you won’t be distracted or interrupted
  • begin simply: “I’m worried about my part in our love life”- or show your partner this website
  • outline the symptoms you are experiencing and what the problem is
  • say what you feel, so your partner can sympathise
  • reassure your partner that you’re not blaming them and that you still care for them
  • explain what you’d like to do, so they know you’ve a solution in mind
  • tell your partner what you need them to do, so they are aware of how to support you


  • Take some time to think about how TD has affected you
  • Consider how TD might be affecting your partner
  • Think how your relationship has changed since your erection problems began
  • Take time to think through how to mention the subject to your partner. Then set aside some time to talk
  • Pick up the phone and book that appointment with your healthcare professional
  • Take your partner along to your appointment if possible, or if not, take a notebook so you can make a record of what you’re told

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